they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
