Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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