im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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