Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
