plz talk dirty to me
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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