Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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