I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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