That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
