so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
