Walk of Shame. In a state park.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I need a beard to bite.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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