1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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