Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
