every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
