I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
be right there i have to get my cape
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize