It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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