Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
