i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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