My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
40s are totally the cure
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Randomize
