Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
