sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I wish you could order shots online.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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