He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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