I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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