I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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