It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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