i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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