Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
you made out with another girl for some wings
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
