You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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