smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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