They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
