I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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