There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
You can't special order awesome
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
