In the future we'll all be gay
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
