my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
