I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
