i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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