One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You are a genius and a whore.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
