I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Randomize
