Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
My liver just broke up with me...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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