i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
