he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
