youre lurking in front of me
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
