Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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