So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
