Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
