Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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