Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
whose parrot is this?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
