If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize