and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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