also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
