I want you more than these girls want KFC
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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