Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
