I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize