I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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