Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
