I CAN MOONWALK!
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
