Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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