Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
