No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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