i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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