And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
