There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
