I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Well I just put wine in my tea
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
