my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
