Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
