there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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