This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
