He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
