Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Randomize
