Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
