There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
